How to Have Phone Sex (Even if You're Shy)

You're talking on the phone, when suddenly your lover asks: "So ... what are you wearing this night?" The next thing you know, his voice is lower, he's breathing heavily, and he's waiting for you to ...

"I'm touching you baby very slowly" 

Actually, not all girls were blessed with a throaty voice, a sailor's vocabulary, and the confidence to get hot and heavy over the phone. That's why we asked "Monika," a real live phone-sex operator, for tips on what guys like ... and how to raise your phone-sex comfort level if you're the shy type. 

Get Comfortable

Find a place where you can talk perfectly -- or do other things, wink wink -- in privacy. Turn out the room lights, or fill the bathtub with bubbles -- whatever makes you feel less vulnerable and more relaxed.

Sex Up Your Voice

Please speak a bit more slowly than usual -- think breathy and sexy mood. This will help you get in the hot mood, and it keeps your nosy roommate from overhearing. A glass of wine or whiskey may help, but don't overindulge. You want to sound sultry, not slurred. 

Always Embellish

So you're sitting around in sweats, a holey T-shirt and an avocado mask. But as far as he's concerned, you're wearing head-to-toe Agent Provocateur. 

Monika's clients always want to know what she's wearing, so she offers detailed descriptions, whether it's patent leather boots on a dominatrix or a sexy schoolgirl uniform (a good place to start if the thought makes you nervous). 

Be Enthusiastic

"Enthusiasm goes a long way," says Monika. "Men want to feel like you're enjoying the sexy talk as much as they are, and that you're into their fantasy. Just go along for the ride." 

If you're too shy to share, keep the momentum going by lowering your voice and asking, "And then what would you do to me?" Moaning, lustful sighing, saying his name and compliments also work wonders.

Don't Freak

He wants to do what?!? Not everything he whispers into the phone will be something you're totally up for. But even when Monika hears a bizarre or request from one of her clients, she's careful to not sound shocked or mocking. 

She recommends "chuckling knowingly" rather than laughing if something takes you by surprise. "Try to be as natural as possible, and react normally to things." Just go with the flow (those moans we mentioned) so he won't feel judged. 

However, if you are really uncomfortable with what he's saying, it's more than fine to end the conversation or change topics to something you enjoy. 

Get Graphic

In Monika's line of work, the language is no-holds-barred ("There's no room for coyness," she explains). Using, ahem, colorful euphemisms can heighten the down-and-dirty factor of your conversation. 

If you're not the potty-mouth type, do try to find "grown-up" words that you're comfortable with. Even penis is better than the ego-deflating "weenie." Another trick? Have him describe each step first, then coo it back to him -- letting him steer the language can take the pressure off you to perform orally.

Don't Be Afraid to Take the Lead

Want to share a fantasy of your own? Spill it, sister! "Men like to be told what happens next," says Monika. "And they want to know what you like, because they get turned on even more when you're turned on." 

Tell your guy what you're imagining him doing to you; it's about your fantasies too. Monika says that even when she's inadvertently crossed the line (say, asking if he wants to be spanked when that's not his thing), it's easy to bounce back. Just switch back to a fantasy you've heard him mention and he'll have forgotten about it in no time.